Men Loving Men
Yes, you read the title correct and no I’m not talking about being gay. I love all my friends that are gay, but the assumption that men loving men, is automatically associated with being gay, is the very point of this article.
I think a grave disservice has transpired in our culture when it comes to male intimacy. If you’re straight, you may agree that one of a man’s greatest fears is to be accused of being gay, therefore you may refrain from talking about your feelings, withholding certain clothing styles from yourself (even if you like them) and avoiding affection towards another guy at all costs. This stigma, also called toxic masculinity, is causing men to suppress their natural need for other men and their desire to connect on a deep and intimate level.
Guys are great talking about their work, the latest sports stats and how great the weather has been recently, but that doesn’t even come close to satisfying the male desire to be known, seen and safe. Many men walk the planet most of their lives chasing after success, focusing on being a good father and husband, or getting lost in their career; yet have a nagging longing to have friendship that is unconditional, free to talk about insecurities and being missed when they’re not there.
In my opinion, most guys are still boys inside, seeking for adventure, companionship and laden with insecurities that they’re not enough. But, who can they share this experience with? Who can they play with in the mud? Who can they cry to when they’re scared of the dark or express their disappointment in themselves? Men are a complex collaboration of the hero, thought-leader, critic, lover, fighter, worried, scared, confused and in need of leadership. We do a really good job at maintaining a strong and powerful front, while all the while we just want to belong and feel loved.
It’s been my experience that when I found male friendships that I was able to be stupid with, go deep and have someone to text when I’m afraid, has made a world of difference in my mental and relational health. Since developing these friendships, I cannot image my world without this level of trust, belonging and vulnerability. I’ve grown into a place in my manhood where I’m not afraid to tell my friends that I love them. I tell them often and usually with the phrase, “I love you so much.” When I was operating in fear, I would want to this express this to friends but couldn’t get it out of my mouth.
It is refreshing, necessary and paramount that we, as individuals stop this toxic male environment, where men are afraid to love other men. It’s not “sus.” It’s not feminine. It’s not gay to share life on deep levels with other men. We are wired for brotherhood and anything less is disappointing, shallow and falling short of authentic masculinity.